


Why Are You Here?

by LetMeEntertainYou



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Autism, Autistic!John, M/M, low verbal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-26
Packaged: 2020-05-21 02:06:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19364218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetMeEntertainYou/pseuds/LetMeEntertainYou
Summary: His nose wrinkled when he entered the men’s room. Smelled worse than the actual bar. He went to the sink farthest away from the door to rinse his face with some cold water. He was feeling weird. Empty. Not his stomach, but somewhere in his chest, maybe his heart. A wet hand touched that area through his shirt, still unsure of the sensation he was feeling. If he dwelled on it too long, his eyes watered. He shook his head, splashing more water onto it. Maybe it was the peanuts. They’d gone bad or something.





	Why Are You Here?

**Author's Note:**

> My blog is Disabled-Queen-HC on tumblr.  
> Anon asked: Can we have more low verbal John? Maybe Joger?

“See, that doesn’t even make sense. Why would he think we’d agree to that?” Freddie said, sipping on some red wine.

Brian shrugged, a smile tugging at his lips. “No idea. He must’ve thought we were idiots. Like we haven’t done this before. Which is his mistake. He lost out on us.”

Roger snorted. “Okay, but, did you all see his toupee? Why the fuck would we want to sign any of his contracts? The man can’t even afford a decent wig!”

Everyone snickered, Freddie nearly spitting out his wine. “Someone told me to never trust businessmen in toupees. They’re bad liars,” he said, having to set his wine glass down from how hard he was cackling.

Brian and Roger choked on their beers, slamming their hands down on the bar table as they laughed.

Meanwhile, John sat quietly next to Roger in the booth, nibbling on some stale peanuts, wholly disengaged. His mind was off, miles and miles away from where they were, only hearing the echoes of the other threes laughter which made his stomach turn uncomfortable. He stole a gulp from Roger’s beer, never buying his own since he never finished the pints they served them in. Roger didn’t notice, continuing to guffaw with Brian and Freddie about stuff John didn’t care about.

With another joke flying over John’s head, he decided he’d go to the bathroom. He didn’t have to pee, but he didn’t want to be there anymore.

“John goes to bathroom now,” he mumbled, not waiting for anyone to say anything. He slipped out of the booth and shuffled to the restroom.

His nose wrinkled when he entered the men’s room. Smelled worse than the actual bar. He went to the sink farthest away from the door to rinse his face with some cold water. He was feeling weird. Empty. Not his stomach, but somewhere in his chest, maybe his heart. A wet hand touched that area through his shirt, still unsure of the sensation he was feeling. If he dwelled on it too long, his eyes watered. He shook his head, splashing more water onto it. Maybe it was the peanuts. They’d gone bad or something.

The bathroom door flung open, a red cheeked, grinning Roger walking through.

“Where’d you run off to, Deacy?” he said, taking a quick check of the room, making sure they were alone before wrapping his arms around John’s waist.

John frowned, for some reason the sight of Roger making his stomach drop. When Roger kissed the tip of his nose, his frown deepened.

“I went to bathroom. I said I would,” he whispered, eyes looking downward.

“Hey, hey. What’s wrong? Is it too much out there? You wanna go home?” Roger asked, his hands going to cradle John’s face. John broke out into goosebumps at the touch, leaning away from it.

“No. Outside is fine. Roger is having fun. Is okay,” he said, trying to wriggle away from Roger’s grip.

Roger was now concerned at John’s hesitancy to even be touched by him. Which only made him hold on harder. He’d let go once he knew John was okay. “What’s the matter then?” he said, softer, any traces of his buzz gone.

John’s frown turned into an almost childish pout, something he did when he tried to stop himself from crying. “Don’t know,” he said, his voice beginning to shake.

Roger smoothed back John’s hair, his eyes unwavering as they held onto John’s. “Something is up. You can tell me, babe. What is it? We can go. I don’t care. If that’s it, we can go.”

There was a lump forming in John’s throat, his mouth paralyzed by a creeping fear. He both knew and didn’t know what the matter was. It was at the tip of his tongue, but he wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure if he should say it.

When a few stray tears found themselves slipping down John’s cheeks, Roger wiped them away, his embrace going firm around John. He whispered, “It’s okay, Deacy. It’s okay. I’m here.”

Something in John’s brain unlocked at the comment, his lips almost unable to keep up with his brain.

“But why is you here? Roger is so smart. So is Fred and Bri. They all smart. Talking, using big words, making funny jokes. Always laughing. Always being smart like adults supposed to be. And there is me. John talks like baby. Never gets jokes. Not smart. Not smart at all. I get scared. Why you here with me? Why you love me? I not talking like the others. Not able to keep you on your toes. How Roger not embarrassed by me? Why you really love me?” He said in one word vomit, his body beginning to tremble, eyes watering profusely. He added at the end, his voice cracking pitifully, “I’m stupid, Roger. Why you are here with me?”

Roger’s eyes went wide, mouth hanging open, blinking as he took in John’s words. His brain went frazzled his only thought being, _I failed as a boyfriend_.

It took him a few moments to collect himself, only shaking his head in the meantime.

He let go of John before holding onto his hands, bringing them up to his lips to kiss and nuzzle them as he tried to formulate something to say.

“I…had no idea you felt like that, John. I’m so sorry you felt you couldn’t share that with me…so sorry,” he said, pressing a deep kiss into John’s knuckle. John sniffled.

“John..god, John, you know I don’t care about how you talk. You’re an adult. You think like an adult. You act like an adult. And, I’ll go out there and say, you talk like one too. Never heard a baby tell someone to shove it,” Roger said, thumbs rubbing over the tops of John’s hands soothingly.

“And, my goodness are you the smartest person I’ve met. You’ve got your bloody masters. And don’t pretend like I haven’t seen the PhD applications on the table. Just ‘cus you talk a little different doesn’t mean a damn thing about that brilliant mind of yours. And yeah, maybe Freddie and Brian can make a joke better than you can. I call them clowns for a reason. I don’t love you so you can crack jokes for me,” he let go of John’s hands, going back to wiping the tears on his cheeks.

“I love you and I’m here because you’ve stolen my heart, John. You are so beautiful and witty and genuine and you’re the only one who figured out how to calm my temper and you’re just. Everything. I wish I knew how or why I fell for you, but I did. And I fell for _all_ of you. The way you talk is very much included.”

John was chewing on his lip, hiccupping as he tried to soften his cries. His hands were scrunched up, his focus now on Roger’s sincere blue eyes. The words were nice, but could he believe them? A fine specimen like Roger settling for a doof like him? Plain ol’ John Deacon who can’t even say a full sentence?

Roger could see the hesitancy in John’s disposition, his thumb and pointer finger cupping John’s chin. “Deacy, I hate to do it, but I’m going to kiss you in the loo of this bar. And if anybody walks in, we’ll have Brian beat them up for us,” he said, a hint of a smile on his face.

John didn’t fight when Roger leaned in, tilting his head forward, letting their lips meet. John wasn’t sure if this was real, if this was deserved, if this came from pity. But it felt good. And he liked things that felt good.

His eyes fluttered shut, melting into Roger’s touch. His arms wrapped around the other’s middle pulling him close. And for a moment, he forgot he was in the restroom of a one star bar. It was just him and the love of his life. Nothing else.

Roger pulled away, face flushed. He pressed the heel of his palm into John’s chest, saying, “Roger loves John.” John smiled shyly, his ears going red. “John loves Roger too,” he whispered back.

This would be something they’d have to talk about more, but for now, this was good enough. John felt content.

The two left the restroom hand in hand, John standing up a little taller. They sat back down at their booth, Freddie and Brian stopping their conversation to glare at them.

“Really? Shagging in a bar _bathroom_? Don’t you think John deserves a little better?” Freddie said, scowling.

“Think of the diseases, mate,” Brian chimed in, eyebrow cocked.

John and Roger spluttered, both of them bopping the other two heads.

“I’m not deranged unlike _someone_ who was found in a utility closet with a bloke!” Roger said, blushing furiously.

Freddie waved a hand. “That was once in Las Vegas. You know what they say…”

“We was talking! About serious things!” John added, all puffed up and red.

“In a bathroom?” Brian asked incredulously, not believing the cover up.

“Yes, in bathroom! Brian need to be quiet. He pretend Jimmy was not made in a bathroom! We all hear you, you know!”

Everyone paled before bursting out into laughter, Brian howling the loudest.

“Fine, we believe you! Now can somebody order the next round of drinks, **_please_**?” Freddie said, draining his glass, giggling all the while.

Roger volunteered, needing a few minutes to stop laughing. All the while, he clung to John’s side, giving him big kisses on the cheek. “Funny man, you,” he said, giving him a squeeze.

He got up, looking at the table and asking, “Beers for everyone?”

John shook his head. “John wants- no- I need martini. Two.” He held up two fingers.

The group snorted, going into another fit of laughter.


End file.
